Frittata

Some friends of mine recently declined a dinner with someone who was proud to be able to demonstrate his culinary skills by boiling frankfurters in their can, cremating an omelette and garnishing a Caesar salad with a torn in half Scotch egg...  I can understand why.  Said person is, however, one of the reasons this blog was started, and why it will include the most basic of dishes alongside the most gourmet cuisine.

Peel and boil a couple of potatoes in salted water.  Meanwhile chop the onion and red pepper (seeds, pith and stalk removed!) and put them with a little olive oil in a good frying pan over a medium heat to lightly brown them.  

Brighton being a University town most students spend their first year trying to learn to cook and discovering how expensive it is if you eat out every night.  By the second year most of them can manage staples of Spaghetti Bolognese, pizza, beans on toast and similar simple dishes aided by jars of ready made sauces and pre-made bases.  Depending on whether or not they go home after Uni, to the sanctuary of Mum's cooking, or whether they're staying on in the town, some of them even go on to investigate the world of food further.  

Roughly chop the mushrooms, about the same size as the peppers and put them to one side.

Fancy things like Frittata usually come about the end of year one, when they lose their fear of buying things not in tins - like vegetables.  It's pretty much as simple as it comes, really, but it is a filling, satisfying meal done in one pan for two people.  

A cupped handful each of frozen sweetcorn and frozen petit pois - set these aside for now.

Since there is yet a chance of the dinner invitation being re-offered I can only hope that my friends send the food miscreant to this blog for his step by step photo guide to cooking something without killing people or requiring a stomach pump.  

In a jug take 6 eggs out of their shells and check them for any shell that may fall into the jug.  Add about an eggcup full of milk - not a comedy eggcup, an ordinary one.  Or use a half egg shell twice to measure out some milk.  Add in some salt and freshly ground black pepper and use a fork to mash the yolks up and whisk the mixture together a little bit.   

Put the whoel pack of Frankfurters, un pierced, into the microwave for one minute 40 seconds.  When the timer goes on them, cut open one end of the pack and drain out the liquid.  You'll want about 4 or 5 of these, and you need to chop them into little barrels, about a centimetre and a half long.  Put these to one side for now.

Grate some hard cheese such as cheddar - the choice is yours, but cheddar melts easily and has a good flavour.  You want about enough that when you put your hand over it all you have your hand cupped and your fingers spread and the cheese is kind of poking through your fingers.  This is a normal sized hand, not a mahoosive hand or a tiny paw.   

When the onions are browned lightly - not dark brown, not crispy, not black, the smoke alarm is not going off, add the Frankfurters to the pan and let them brown lightly.   This means you have to stir them from time to time to turn them over and mix everything together.  Do this every time you add something to the pan to brown.  Give it a stir, let it sit so it browns, then stir it again.  This way you don't get one side raw and the other side black.  

Your potatoes should be soft after 10 to 15 minutes of boiling.  If they are starting to fall apart this is over cooked.  You want them firm but cooked.  Crispy in the middle is not good, either.  Strain them and let them dry by shaking the colander up and down to get the water out.  Do this hard enough that the potato leaves the bottom of the colander, but not so hard they leave it completely.   

Add your potatoes to the pan and mix in well then let them brown a little.   

When everything has a bit of brown on it, add in your chopped mushrooms and cook until they shrink a little.  No, not to nothing, not to burned to death little cremains, just darkened and a little shrunk where they have lost their water.   

When everything is nicely browned and the mushrooms are shrunk, you're ready to add your egg mixture.  Turn down the heat to no more than half the amount the dial can go to.  So half way round on the dial is fine.   It won't be quarter past or half past,  you should have numbers or little flames that show you how hot the cooker top is under the pan.  Choose the middle one, then turn it just down a little from that.  

Tip the sweetcorn and the peas into the egg mix and beat with the fork until all combined and spread out.   Pour this mixture into the pan.  Do not wander off at this point to go wash the jug or whatever.  Get stirring!  Use your spatula to mix in the egg and the contents of the pan before the egg starts to set.   

Once the veg are mixed in and the egg starts to set, stop stirring and let it start to become one solid lump.  Don't turn the heat up.  You need to watch the edges now and see how dry they're getting.  That will tell you how well cooked it is underneath.  We're not cooking it all the way through on the top of the stove, so don't worry if it's a bit damp on top.   

This is the point where you want to start looking under the sides.  This is still wet and runny in the middle, but while some of the edge is damp other bits are cooked and solid.    

Gently lift back the edge of the frittata and see if it is cooked.  It doesn't want to brown the egg or burn it, just set it.  If you can do this and no fluid leaks out, go a little further.  Stuart - please note - this is the colour the bottom of an egg dish cooked in a frying pan should be...

Slide the spatula further under and gently lift a little.  If it holds together well, and doesn't leak fluid,  it's time to take the pan off the stove.   

If you're thinking that doesn't look completely cooked yet, you're right.  There are still milky patches of liquid in the middle of the Frittata.  They're supposed to be there, because we haven't finished cooking yet.  Go and turn the grill on - the one that goes over things, not the George Forman (TM) or whatever gadget someone though would be cool. 

This is the big where we add in all that cheese you grated.  Just sprinkle it all over the top, as much as you like.    Just make sure you can still see some of the Frittata underneath!  Now put this under the grill, in the pan.  Make sure the handle sticks out, no matter what it's made of.  You'll need to grab hold of it to get the pan out, so you don't want it to melt, burn, be on fire or anything else.  Ok?

This is what you're looking for.  When you look under the grill and you see a Frittata through the melted cheese, it's done!  Get an oven glove or wrap a towel round your hand and get the pan out.   

This is it - done, finished, cooked through, not burned on the bottom, not raw in the middle or on the top, perfectly cooked, with melted cheese on top.  Time to get it onto a plate.  

Well, yes, you could eat it right from there, but it's nicer and more polite if you cut it into chunks and put those on a plate to eat.  Especially if you're sharing. 

See - all cooked.  Both the health inspector and your mother would heartily approve, I'm sure.  A meal with protein, carbohydrates, vegetables in three different colours and mushrooms, too.  Hearty, healthy and delicious.  How deep your pan is will dictate how thick the Frittata is,   but whatever size you make, follow the same rules.  One thing to change - if the pan is deeper turn the heat lower and let it cook until when you put a spatula in the middle and move it slightly the middle is cooked up above one half of the way through.  That's the point to take it off the stove.  

On a plate, in chunks, waiting for the Lea and Perrins!  Delicious.  

And look - no burnt bottom, either!  

Frittata  (Printed Version)

Ingredients:
2 medium sized potatoes, peeled and cut into 2.5 cm cubes or roughly that
1 onion, peeled, topped and tailed and chopped
1 red pepper, pith, seeds and stalk removed cut into 2.5 cm squares or thereabouts
Half a punnet of mushrooms, roughly chopped to be about the same size as the pepper
1 pack 10 Hurta Frankfurters
1 cupped hand of frozen petit pois
1 cupped hand of frozen sweetcorn
6 eggs, preferably large and free range
An eggcup full of milk
Salt and Black Pepper
A small block of hard cheese such as Cheddar

To Serve:
Lea and Perrins Worcestershire Sauce (optional)
Bread and butter (optional)
Salad (optional)

Method:
Put the peeled and chopped potatoes into a pan of salted water for 10 to 15 minutes until they are cooked and just going soft.  Drain, shake dry and set to one side.

Prepare the pepper and onion as above and put into a good, non-stick frying pan with about a tablespoon of olive oil.  This is about one and a half times the spoon you eat your pudding with that isn't a teaspoon.  Turn the heat to about three quarters, so the pan gets hot enough to brown things but they don't cremate and the oil doesn't burn.  If the pan is smoking, turn the heat down and let it cool before you add the oil or you will set your kitchen alight.

So, oil in the pan, pepper and onion in the pan.  Get them lightly browned - that means mostly a pale goldish colour with the odd spot of brown here and there.

Chop the Frankfurters into 1.5 to 2.5 centimetre long logs and add them to the frying pan.  Stir them in with the rest of the ingredients and let them get a little bit browned.

Add the potatoes and again stir them in with the other bits in the pan and let them get a few brown spots on them.

Add the mushrooms and let things carry on cooking with the odd stir while they shrink down a little and get a bit darker.

Grate a good handful of the cheese and set it aside for now.

Crack the eggs into a jug and make sure there is no shell in with them.  Add the little bit of milk and the salt and pepper.  Use a fork to break the yolks and whisk the eggs a little.

Mix the sweetcorn and petit pois into the egg mixture and again, give a little whisk.

Pour the mixture into the pan and turn the heat down to a little less than half.  Immediately stir the egg through the ingredients, so it gets underneath everything and it spreads all round the pan evenly.

Stop stirring, flatten it down a little and leave it alone until you see the sides of the Frittata have set.

Put your spatula under the outer edge and gently lift.  If fluid runs out then put it back and let it carry on cooking.  Next time check a different place.  When you can pick up the outer edge and the pan remains dry underneath, slide your spatula towards the middle of the pan and gently lift a few centimetres.  If the Frittata stays together and no fluid runs out underneath, take it off the stove.

Turn on the grill to warm up.  You want the grill hot but not overly scorching, so again, somewhere between half and full, about three quarters or two thirds of what it can do.

Sprinkle the cheese over the top of the Frittata and slide the pan under the grill with the handle sticking out so you'll be able to get the pan back out again.

When the cheese has melted to your satisfaction, remove the pan from the grill and slide the Frittata out onto a plate where you can then cut it up and serve it.

Simple!